Recap of meditations

Of all the meditation techniques and methods I've tried over the last 9 weeks - both for class and others I looked for out of curiosity - I think my favorites are the Subtle Mind Practice and the Loving Kindness Practice. The Subtle Mind helps me focus and zero in on calmness in a way that I can't really describe, and I don't honestly know why. Many times I feel like I've actually failed, that I haven't really completed the exercise in the way that it's intended because my thoughts keep coming, and coming, and coming, and coming... but after the 20 minutes, I can say with some surety that I focus better on tasks and complete them more efficiently. I don't know why, but I don't need to know in order for it to be true. I also like the Loving Kindness exercise because it gives me a feeling of having contributed something positive to the world, even if I've done nothing else that day. I don't think there's anyway to prove that my meditation actually relieves anyone's physical suffering, but I'm quite confident that the serenity I feel after meditation is evident to people around me, in a subtle way, and rubs off, and in that way I'm able to spread good feelings to my tiny little corner of the world, at least.

A Revelation

I completed the Loving Kindness exercise, which is becoming regular and familiar to me, and then completed the integral assessment of myself. When, in a state of quiet and meditation, I asked myself – which component of my health is currently suffering – the answer was glaringly obvious: my biological health. And I had a revelation that had never occurred to me before.

I am currently going through an elimination diet, or detox diet – there are multiple names for it, but basically, I’ve taken all gluten, wheat, dairy, eggs, refined sugar, red meat, caffeine and alcohol out of my diet for 6 weeks, at which point I’ll reintroduce them to my diet one at a time to check for reactions. I’ve had very bad ezcema my entire life, and I’m attempting this as a last ditch resort to find some way to control it. I’m a week in, and I am MISERABLE. I’ve always had a fairly well rounded diet, but to take out all bread, cheese and soda, among other things, has been more challenging than I ever considered, and my stomach tells me so constantly. My head is also letting me know that it’s not getting its regular doses of caffeine and sugar, and not in a pleasant way.

But here’s the revelation – my body is unhappy with the diet change. It’s affecting my mental and spiritual health; I’m grumpy and dejected. Through this class I’ve mostly been considering how mental and spiritual health can affect biological health; but it can go the other way too. I’m not sure that this was the point of the exercise, but it was still an important revelation to me.

The Subtle Mind (or on the first try: the mind that won't shut up)

This week’s Subtle Mind exercise was quite a new experience for me. To be honest, this is what I expected meditation to be about, before I started listening to guided meditation podcasts. I thought it was about sitting there, and forcing your mind to go completely blank for an extended period of time – which is quite impossible for me, hence my refusal to attempt meditating for so much of my life. I’ve found, through this class and elsewhere, that many meditation techniques do not do this at all. The Subtle Mind exercise was the first I’ve ever encountered that focused on loosening all attachment to thought and observing thoughts from an outside point of view. It was easier than I expected, although still somewhat difficult.

I found myself thinking on Isaiah 30:15 - In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.

I found that biggest difference between the Subtle Mind exercise and the Loving Kindness exercise was the length of time in which no words were spoken. There is a period in the mind of the Subtle Mind exercise in which the narrator is silent for several minutes, and during the quiet time I became completely engrossed in the meditation and utterly oblivious outside sensations. When she spoke again, it startled me very badly, and quite frankly, I couldn’t get back into it after that.

Physical wellness relies on mental and spiritual wellness, and mental wellness relies on spiritual wellness. Our ultimate overall health and wellness is totally contingent upon our spiritual life, which is the component of our health that gets most overlooked. It’s not hard to notice this in my personal life, if I take the time to look – when I am joyful, I feel better. When I’m in despair, I feel lousy. It doesn’t take a PhD in medicine to notice the connection there.